I love bad movies. I’m talking about the enjoyably bad movies. Not
movies like After Earth or anything made by the Asylum, but movies like
Planet of the Dinosaurs, and Godzilla vs Megalon. Speaking of dinosaurs,
I happen to love them. I think every kid liked dinosaurs at one point, but I
was obsessed. The movie I’m reviewing is centered around a
Tyrannosaurus-Rex.... one of the worst T-Rexes I have ever seen in any
movie I've watched in my life. This is.... the Last Dinosaur.
To be honest, I could do commentary over the entire movie, but I’m going to keep it short. There will be spoilers, but for something made in 1977 with the budget of $10, are you really concerned? It’s on youtube, so just look it up.
This film is a Japanese and American co production. The Americans provided actors, and the Japanese provided special effects. It stars Richard Boone as a man named Maston Thrust. Maston is a multibillionaire who made his fortune off of hunting. Apparently, he’s so rich, that he has an entire living room, fireplace and all, in his private jumbo jet. He’s the CEO of Thrust industries... which surprisingly isn’t a porn company. It’s his hunting and exploration business with some pretty high tech.
We learn that an exploration team of Thrust industries was killed in a trip in the arctic, and the only survivor said it was a T-Rex. So, Maston assembles a team of people to find the dinosaur. Now, you might be asking how a dinosaur could live in the arctic, and there is an answer. There’s a valley in the arctic that’s warmed up by volcanic heat, and the life forms there have been sheltered from the changing world around them, and haven’t changed since. Okay, for the sake of scifi, I can roll with that.
The team consists of Maston Thrust, of course, the only surviving crew
To be honest, I could do commentary over the entire movie, but I’m going to keep it short. There will be spoilers, but for something made in 1977 with the budget of $10, are you really concerned? It’s on youtube, so just look it up.
This film is a Japanese and American co production. The Americans provided actors, and the Japanese provided special effects. It stars Richard Boone as a man named Maston Thrust. Maston is a multibillionaire who made his fortune off of hunting. Apparently, he’s so rich, that he has an entire living room, fireplace and all, in his private jumbo jet. He’s the CEO of Thrust industries... which surprisingly isn’t a porn company. It’s his hunting and exploration business with some pretty high tech.
We learn that an exploration team of Thrust industries was killed in a trip in the arctic, and the only survivor said it was a T-Rex. So, Maston assembles a team of people to find the dinosaur. Now, you might be asking how a dinosaur could live in the arctic, and there is an answer. There’s a valley in the arctic that’s warmed up by volcanic heat, and the life forms there have been sheltered from the changing world around them, and haven’t changed since. Okay, for the sake of scifi, I can roll with that.
The team consists of Maston Thrust, of course, the only surviving crew
member of the first team, a Japanese scientist, a tall guy named Bunta,
and some whining, ugly lady. This lady is stupid. Really, really, stupid.
Where do I begin? Well, first off, she claims to be a ‘modern woman’, who
doesn’t depend on men to save her at every step of the way, but can you
guess what happens as soon as they get to the valley? She acts like a total
idiot, screams at everything she sees, and depends on the men to save
her every step of the way. She is truly a great representation of the
‘modern woman’.
As for the others, there’s really not much to say. Maston is insane, the Japanese guy barely says anything, the other guy is okay, I guess, and Bunta... actually, Bunta is guy I hate the least. He says nothing, and seems to be the smartest one on the team, so I don’t have anything against him.
The team arrives through the valley’s lake using their Thrust Borer, a laser drill vehicle... thingy. Too bad Maston only brought one rifle, because they soon find the TRex, and the gun gets jammed. Instead of fixing it, he just throws it away.
The TRex in this movie is all sorts of weird. It has Godzilla’s roar, and it looks like Gorosaurus’s retarded brother. Look, they’re almost identical.
This is Gorosaurus.
Random t-rex from this movie. Let's call him Joe.
It’s obviously a man in a suit, but the part I’m astonished by is how bad Joe's head looks! I don’t know how to describe it! I’m most confused by how flexible the head and neck are. It can move it in ways no T-rex should. In fact, all of the creatures in this movie look bad. I knew it would look bad, I expected them to look bad, but I didn’t expect it to be this bad! The worst part has to be the triceratops. They use the two guys in a horse costume technique done by 2nd graders in their school plays!
So, Joe wrecks their camp, and takes their Borer to his boneyard home. He tries burying it for some reason, then all the sudden a
As for the others, there’s really not much to say. Maston is insane, the Japanese guy barely says anything, the other guy is okay, I guess, and Bunta... actually, Bunta is guy I hate the least. He says nothing, and seems to be the smartest one on the team, so I don’t have anything against him.
The team arrives through the valley’s lake using their Thrust Borer, a laser drill vehicle... thingy. Too bad Maston only brought one rifle, because they soon find the TRex, and the gun gets jammed. Instead of fixing it, he just throws it away.
The TRex in this movie is all sorts of weird. It has Godzilla’s roar, and it looks like Gorosaurus’s retarded brother. Look, they’re almost identical.
This is Gorosaurus.Random t-rex from this movie. Let's call him Joe.
It’s obviously a man in a suit, but the part I’m astonished by is how bad Joe's head looks! I don’t know how to describe it! I’m most confused by how flexible the head and neck are. It can move it in ways no T-rex should. In fact, all of the creatures in this movie look bad. I knew it would look bad, I expected them to look bad, but I didn’t expect it to be this bad! The worst part has to be the triceratops. They use the two guys in a horse costume technique done by 2nd graders in their school plays!
So, Joe wrecks their camp, and takes their Borer to his boneyard home. He tries burying it for some reason, then all the sudden a
triceratops bursts out from the side of a cliff, and starts fighting Joe.
How did it get there? How is it still alive? Those questions are never
answered.
After that, the movie starts dragging on forever. It felt a lot longer than it actually is, because it’s so boring. 70% of this film is boring, the other 30% is only slightly enjoyably bad. Nothing interesting happens at all. 4 months pass, and they’re still in the valley. Why? Because Maston doesn’t want to risk any more lives, so he ordered there to be no rescue team. Well, he earns the major idiot award.
After an eternity, the Joe finally shows up again, and the remaining 3 team members build a catapult to kill it. I have no idea how they built the catapult in such a short amount of time, but I gave up on logic after the first 20 minutes.
They launch a boulder at the dinosaur, and what follows is proof of how bad Joe's suit is. See for yourselves.
It’s not supposed to do that. The funniest part is that the movie actually slows down the footage for this shot, specifically so we can see this.
I guess it pays off to have a brain the size of a walnut, because he shrugs it off like it’s nothing.
After that, it gets boring again. I’m not kidding when I say that the last ten minutes of this movie is one of the longest ten minutes of my life.
The Last Dinosaur started out like an enjoyably bad movie, but as soon as it reached the 20 minute mark, it all went downhill real fast. Most of this movie was boring, nothing remotely interesting happened, and it dragged on for too long. The writing is even worse than what you’d expect this kind of movie to have. The part that has been sadly stuck in one of the far corners of my mind is the soundtrack. The music is.... impossible to describe. The main sonnet has been stuck in my head since the first time I heard it, and it has yet to leave my mind. The biggest thing going against this film is the tone. It takes itself too seriously to be any fun, but it’s too stupid to be serious. It’s one of those movies you put on if you want to have an endurance round with some friends.
After that, the movie starts dragging on forever. It felt a lot longer than it actually is, because it’s so boring. 70% of this film is boring, the other 30% is only slightly enjoyably bad. Nothing interesting happens at all. 4 months pass, and they’re still in the valley. Why? Because Maston doesn’t want to risk any more lives, so he ordered there to be no rescue team. Well, he earns the major idiot award.
After an eternity, the Joe finally shows up again, and the remaining 3 team members build a catapult to kill it. I have no idea how they built the catapult in such a short amount of time, but I gave up on logic after the first 20 minutes.
They launch a boulder at the dinosaur, and what follows is proof of how bad Joe's suit is. See for yourselves.
It’s not supposed to do that. The funniest part is that the movie actually slows down the footage for this shot, specifically so we can see this.
I guess it pays off to have a brain the size of a walnut, because he shrugs it off like it’s nothing.
After that, it gets boring again. I’m not kidding when I say that the last ten minutes of this movie is one of the longest ten minutes of my life.
The Last Dinosaur started out like an enjoyably bad movie, but as soon as it reached the 20 minute mark, it all went downhill real fast. Most of this movie was boring, nothing remotely interesting happened, and it dragged on for too long. The writing is even worse than what you’d expect this kind of movie to have. The part that has been sadly stuck in one of the far corners of my mind is the soundtrack. The music is.... impossible to describe. The main sonnet has been stuck in my head since the first time I heard it, and it has yet to leave my mind. The biggest thing going against this film is the tone. It takes itself too seriously to be any fun, but it’s too stupid to be serious. It’s one of those movies you put on if you want to have an endurance round with some friends.
FINAL RATING: 5 / 50: It deserves MOLDY COOKIES.
STORY: 0 / 5
ACTING: 0 / 5
CHARACTERS: 0 / 5
SPECIAL EFFECTS: 1 / 5
SURVIVAL ADVENTURE/ ACTION: 0 / 5
SOUNDTRACK: 1 / 5
TONE: 1 / 5
ENJOYABILITY: 2 / 5
REWATCH VALUE: 0 / 5
OWNING VALUE: 0 / 5
There's a lot of things I didn't make fun of, but if you dare to watch it, you can make fun of it yourself. It's great for joke material.
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