This is just a list of nitpicks and problems I have with Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen. Enjoy.
1. The NEST team who specializes in hunting Transformers does not have suspicions that an out of place excavator might in fact be a robot in disguise…. until he transforms, revealing that he is indeed a robot in disguise. Idiots.
2. Sideways and Demolisher weren’t really doing anything destructive until NEST forces arrived. There wasn’t much of a reason for them to be in Shanghai in the first place.
3. There’s no possible way that NEST can pass off the destruction of Shanghai’s major highway as a ‘gas leak’. Last time I checked, gas leaks do not flip solid concrete/steel overpasses.
4. In fact, there’s no way the Transformers could be secret at all. A super robo-death battle in LA would not be ignored or covered up so easily.
5. Sam still exists. Great.
6. As do his girl problems. Fantastic.
7. Humping dogs…. why? Who thinks that’s funny?
8. Either Sam has bulletproof clothes on, or the Minicon’s bullets are just that weak.
9. Bumblebee should have heard all the commotion immediately, but decided to give Sam an opportunity to scream his name before he did anything.
10. Julie White needs acting classes. She’s the parent we all hate. Kevin Dunn is actually alright.
11. When Sam’s mom comes running out of the house, it looks like she’s being attacked by a waffle iron. It would be understandable, since the kitchen appliances all turned into Minicons, but when she throws it on the ground, it doesn’t transform at all. So she was freaking out over a normal waffle iron. Yay.
12. The romance between Sam and Mikaela makes me want to puke.
13. Also, Megan Fox strip tease. It’s pointless, but it would be alright if I was in any way attracted to her. And I am not.
14. Sam could tell Bumblebee about the Allspark shard, so he can contact Optimus and let him know of this vital information, but he doesn’t.
15. Soundwave uses his robotic hentai tentacles to rape / hack an unsuspecting military satellite.
16. NEST is an international alliance with the Autobots. Despite this, the president of America thinks he has the authority to shut them down. What about the other countries? Don’t they get a say in that, too? What if other countries like the Autobots, and knows we need them? Nope, America calls the shots. Even if those shots are amazingly stupid, like shutting down the organization that is the world’s best defense against the Decepticons, which just recently made a threat to the entire planet.
17. Sam goes to college, and just happened to get stuck with the most idiotic roommates ever. Yay for us.
18. I’m no expert, but pot brownies do not make you act the way Julie White does, and definitely not that quickly.
19. Ravage and Reed-man steal the last shard of the Allspark from Diego Garcia in less than 4 minutes.
20. Sam could tell Optimus right then and there about the Allspark shard, or the fact that he’s seeing crazy symbols… but again, doesn’t. I don’t know why he doesn’t. Does he think he’ll get in trouble? Who knows.
21 Megatron’s corpse was said to have been guarded by an entire naval fleet. When Ravage and the Constructicons go to revive him, the only thing that provides the tiniest bit of defense is a cargo ship and a singular submarine. In the video game, there was a whole bunch of Navy ships. Aircraft carriers, destroyers, EVERYTHING! And that was a pretty freaking awesome level of the game, too! So much action and destruction! The filmmakers could have spent the money on this scene rather than the human actors.
22. When the Constructicons use Scrap-Metal’s parts to rebuild Megatron, it doesn’t really look like Megatron has someone else’s parts on him. It would have been cool to see a Frankenstein monster-esque body for him.
23. Mommy, how are baby Cybertronians made?
24. Don’t the Decepticons have a shard of the Allspark for themselves? The same one they used to revive Megatron, right? If that’s the case, then why do they even need Sam? They have their shard, don’t they? Did it absorb into Megatron, somehow, but not transfer its knowledge into him? Just its power? I would assume the most powerful object in the universe, even just a shard of it, is capable of more than a one-time use.
25. The teacher at Sam’s astronomy class is a creepy pervert.
26. I don’t care how ‘hot’ Megan Fox is, there is no way her box containing Wheelie is getting one more centimeter through that airport.
27. Oh, no. We are NOT bringing back Pretender Transformers! NO!
28. When Mikaela saw Sam kissing Alice, it was logical for her to think he was cheating, but then it’s revealed that Alice is a Transformer with a 5 ft long tongue. All should have been forgiven, but Mikaela is still pi$$y at him.
29. The humans should have DIED after Grindor drops them 200 feet, through a roof, and onto a solid concrete floor.
30. How did Optimus know where Sam was being kept?
31. The forest battle is TOO FREAKING AWESOME!!!!
32. Optimus dying is a shock… to people who may not be familiar with Transformers. Optimus has died so many times over the generations, and he always comes back. So, the effect on fans was lost a little. It’s a running joke now. Also, it’s obvious that the rest of the movie is going to be about getting him revived.
33. They reuse the same shot of Soundwave twice.
34. They also reuse the same shot of the Autobots coming to Earth from the last movie.
35. The best way America thinks they’ll win the war against the Decepticons is by using a ‘coordinated military strategy’, which for some stupid reason doesn’t involve the Autobots. I guess they think “The Decepticons are only here because of the Autobots. It’s all their fault! Let’s kick them off our planet! If they leave, the Decepticons will leave.” I guess they forgot that the Decepticons made a threat to the world saying they’re after Sam, and NOT the Autobots. Why is everyone so stupid?
36. Leo’s only purpose in the entire story was to get Sam to Simmons so he can tell them about the Seekers. Leo is useless from this point on… but they keep him anyway. Ugh.
37. When Wheelie shows them the locations of the Seekers on a map, Simmons says the closest one is in Washington DC… and they are in the middle of New York City as they are explaining this. And there is no dot over Washington DC.
38. We get a clear view of Simmons’ @$$ when he’s changing his pants for the mission. Lovely. (it’s not)
39. Sam and Mikaela hide inside one of the plane exhibits until closing time… yeah, that’ll work. They’ll DEFINITELY not get caught by anyone when they sneak on!
40. They don’t get caught by anyone when they snuck on. Which means their idiotic plan worked.
41. Leo tases a guard, then proceeds to trip over the guard and tase himself on the fall down. His line, “How many times can you get tased in the nuts until you can’t have kids?” would be slightly humorous, if he wasn’t tased in the abdomen in reality.
42. Why did Sam use the shard he to revive Jetfire instead of Optimus? They had plenty of time to do so before.
43. When Jetfire breaks down the door of the Smithsonian, he walks into a desert field of decommission airplanes… which is nowhere near the actual Smithsonian. How did they screw up the geography this badly?! Did they not want to film in DC? Would it screw up the plot in any way to have Jetfire wandering around the streets of DC? Because that would have been pretty funny.
44. Sam says Megatron and The Fallen want what’s in his mind, causing Jetfire to remember everything. What I want to know is… how does Sam know about The Fallen in the first place? Megatron never mentioned him in the interrogation scene or the forest fight. Neither did Starscream or Grindor. Grindor didn’t even have a single line.
44.5. Identity crisis #2: Grindor uses the same CG model as Blackout from the first movie.
45. Jetfire says there were 7 Primes… when the comics and video games and every other source of media in existence, including every other continuity with the story of the original Primes, says there were 13.
46. Also, the flashback shows the Primes clearly overpowering The Fallen… yet they act like they have no choice but to make a tomb for the Matrix out of their bodies. In everything else with this story, all the other Primes were killed, save one. The last one banished The Fallen to another dimension, and then proceeded to make the Tomb of the Primes. The movie just makes it look like they’re idiots. They could easily have hidden it somewhere else, in some other way.
47. The car chase with Egyptian police is pointless.
48. The checkpoint scene is pointless. Wait, no it’s not. It just showed Soundwave where Sam was at, so he could send Starscream after him. But it’s still a stupid scene.
49. Yeah, just sleep right next to the Pyramids of Giza.
50. Sam and Mikaela have another pointless romantic scene about making Sam say ‘I love you’. It’s as bad as it sounds.
51. You know what’s lacking from this movie in this act? Transformers. We get a few shots of them in the background, but most of the second act is just them in vehicle mode.
52. The humans act like the Pyramids of Giza and Jordan are within eyesight of each other. In reality, they’re a couple hundred miles apart. And Israel is in between them.
53. After the Matrix disintegrates, Sam gives a little speech about believing, and everything happens for a purpose. I want to puke.
54. Identity crisis #3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 are present in the final battle. There’s a Mixmaster clone, a Rampage clone, who is actually called Rampage, Long Haul clone, a Scrapper clone, and for some reason a Bonecrusher clone. Rampage, Long Haul, Scrapper, and Mixmaster have clones a few miles away, who are combining with other Constructicons to form Devastator.
55. It’s been 25 years at this point, and Starscream is still as bad a shot as the Storm Troopers.
56. Sam finds Bumblebee, Ironhide, Arcee and her sisters as he runs across the battlefield trying to get to Optimus. So why doesn’t one of them transform into their alt mode and drive him over there? I know why. We wouldn’t get to see Megan Fox’s breasts bounce as she runs.
57. Hey, Scorponok’s back!
58. … And he’s dead. Well, I guess they got to tie up all loose ends from the first movie. Now all we need to do is find Barricade.
59. I could literally hear ode to joy playing in my head when Megatron killed Sam. It was the second best moment of the movie. Second, because he gets revived about 3 minutes later.
60. One thing that really ticks me off is how much time they give to let Sam’s death sink in. It has the dramatic music, the paramedics trying to save him, people going ‘oh no’ and everything. But how much did they give Optimus? Probably less than 2 minutes. The music wasn’t as dramatic, Ratchet wasn’t trying to save him (Ratchet doesn’t do anything like a medical officer would to begin with), nobody got emotional, or anything. So that means the filmmakers think we care more about Sam than Optimus Freaking Prime. Yeah, no. That’s not how it works. They seriously could not have been that stupid to think that.
61. Also, WHY IS RATCHET STILL NOT DOING MEDICAL THINGS?
62. Optimus is alive! I was totally on the edge of my seat wondering if he would come back!
63. There’s only about 10 minutes left of the movie… and just now is the character named Jolt even noticed. He’s referred to by name once, and all he does is connect Jetfire’s parts to Optimus. Yay. He didn’t even get a single line.
64. Optimus Prime kicks too much @$$ in this last fight.
65. After the fight is over, Optimus disconnects from Jetfire. Kids, never disrespect your corpse backpack.
66. Before Sam came back to life, Mikaela said ‘I love you’ first. When he woke up, he said ‘I love you’. After everything ends, Mikaela says “it took all this to tell me you love me.” If that’s the case, what the holy mother of turds will it take to make him propose? And to add to this garbage romance, Sam responds “you said it first.” How sweet. Now please die in a pit, you pathetic individual.
67. The film doesn’t explain that when Sam was revived, the knowledge of the Allspark transferred from his mind and into the Matrix of Leadership. It lets the comic adaptation explain that very important detail for us.
68. Also, it doesn’t show Optimus recovering the Matrix. He just suddenly has it in the third film. In this one, it looks like he destroyed it when he blew up the harvester.
69. I just noticed that Wheelie disappeared somewhere in the second act, just like Barricade from the first movie did.
70. The entire final battle is reminiscent of 2 episodes from the original cartoon. Fire on the Mountain had an awesome fight near and on a pyramid, which happened to have a giant laser gun on top of it. Revenge of The Fallen’s climax was near a pyramid as well, and both fights were just as epic. The idea of a star harvesting machine was used in the episode Changing Gears. Why is this on a list of nitpicks? I don’t know. I thought you’d like a fun fact.
Now, despite all these monumental plot holes, my personal problems with it, and things that don’t make sense, I still enjoyed Revenge of the Fallen a great deal. My review for Dark of the Moon is coming soon, and after that, it’s the highly anticipated (to me and my friends, at least) Age of Extinction!
Seriously love all of this.
ReplyDelete