Imagine a movie with an army of dragons fighting in Los Angeles against
the military, setting everything on fire and eating people. Sounds like fun,
right? Now, make that whole battle only about 10 minutes long, and have
the rest of the film focus on a bunch of idiots nobody cares about, have it
based off of some random Korean legend that may or may not have been
made up just for the film, terrible writing, and most important of all, have it
be boring. The result is the 2007 movie called Dragon Wars... or D-War,
the alternate title.
Some information before I get to tearing it apart; This is a South Korean film with some recognizable American actors, like Robert Forster, and Craig Robinson. It’s focused on a supposed ancient Korean Legend, although I’m not sure if it’s actually a legend, or the writers just made it up. I guess I could research it, but maybe not.
SPOILERS.... if you even care.
The plot centers around a legend where every 500 years, a girl is born with the power to turn a giant serpent, called an imoogi, into a celestial dragon. The good dragon will protect the universe, and a bad one would destroy the world. The power that resides within the girl activates when she turns 20. In the early 1500’s, a bad imoogi, named Buraki, tried to steal the power withheld in the girl, but her bodyguard boyfriend messed everything up and the lovers jumped off a cliff to deny Buraki the power. This, as we find out, was a very stupid idea. With no power whatsoever, the good imoogi who had universe protection on his schedule couldn’t turn into a dragon at all.
So, it’s now 2007, and it’s time for the power to be passed on again. The first guy sent to defend the power girl screwed up the plan, so what does the nonspecific heaven decide to do? Reincarnate him to try it again! He won’t fail this time, right? The answer is both yes and no.
Some information before I get to tearing it apart; This is a South Korean film with some recognizable American actors, like Robert Forster, and Craig Robinson. It’s focused on a supposed ancient Korean Legend, although I’m not sure if it’s actually a legend, or the writers just made it up. I guess I could research it, but maybe not.
SPOILERS.... if you even care.
The plot centers around a legend where every 500 years, a girl is born with the power to turn a giant serpent, called an imoogi, into a celestial dragon. The good dragon will protect the universe, and a bad one would destroy the world. The power that resides within the girl activates when she turns 20. In the early 1500’s, a bad imoogi, named Buraki, tried to steal the power withheld in the girl, but her bodyguard boyfriend messed everything up and the lovers jumped off a cliff to deny Buraki the power. This, as we find out, was a very stupid idea. With no power whatsoever, the good imoogi who had universe protection on his schedule couldn’t turn into a dragon at all.
So, it’s now 2007, and it’s time for the power to be passed on again. The first guy sent to defend the power girl screwed up the plan, so what does the nonspecific heaven decide to do? Reincarnate him to try it again! He won’t fail this time, right? The answer is both yes and no.
With a story like that, it would be difficult for most western audiences to take seriously. That said, one would think that the writers and the director would work on making it easier to understand, putting in the time to make a legend seem more down to earth than it really is. But this movie doesn’t even try to do that, and just shows us the legend in less than 15 minutes and expects everybody will go along with it.
After the movie throws the exposition at you in a sloppy mess, it introduces you to the main characters, Ethan and Sarah. Ethan is a wimpy idiot, and Sarah is... also an idiot. They’re so poorly written and boring, it’s not funny. Usually in movies like this, it’s funny when the characters are poorly written and stupid. Here, it’s not so much the case. And just to pour salt in the open wound, these two don’t give a rat’s @$$ about what happens to other people. They leave people to die, and everywhere they go there’s a giant snake chasing them, so basically they make it’s path of destruction for him. They bring the evil giant snake to the people of LA, and don’t care how much destruction is done or how many lives are lost! Just as long as they have each other to love!
Yeah. That’s right. Ethan screws up the prophecy in the exact same way his past life did. He falls in love with her. To be honest, the ‘romance’ sucks. It just sort of happens in a few hours of the two knowing each other. I don’t buy it.
The acting is nothing further than what anybody would expect. Everyone is weak in this department. Even Craig Robinson isn’t giving it much effort! The only one that tries is Buraki’s army commander... and I don’t know if I’m the only one who thinks this, but he looks like an evil Steve Martin.
As for the rest of the movie, it’s.... decent. The visuals are good, and it’s cool to watch the big fight scene in LA. It’s the best part of the movie. But there’s one problem with it. It feels out of place. You might question how
an army of knights, dragons, and dinosaurs fighting the military could feel
out of place in a film called DRAGON WARS. The reason is that it just sort
of... happens. Nothing leads up to it. The evil army arrives in the city and
blows everything up. Why exactly are they there? Is it really necessary to
bring all of Buraki’s forces into town when they’re after only ONE girl? Did
Buraki need them? One would assume that one giant snake with an
agenda could catch her. But every time she’s right in biting range, he
hesitates to make it dramatic, giving the military enough time to shoot him,
and she gets away. So I guess he would need help.
Then again, that’s just bad writing. The whole battle is abrupt, it gains nothing for anyone, and it serves no purpose other than finally give us some action. But if a movie has action, it needs to have a place in the story. It can’t be ‘dragons come to LA, boom’. It needs to have purpose. The only other big fight is at the end, when Buraki fights the good imoogi in a place that looks a lot like Mordor. Two things wrong with this part. First, it’s hard to tell who’s winning, because they look identical. The ONLY thing that sets the two apart, is the good imoogi is a lighter color. By lighter color, I mean one tenth of a shade lighter than Buraki. The other problem is that it’s not technically the ‘Dragon Wars’ promised in the title. They’re not dragons yet! They’re fighting over the power to become a dragon, sure, and the good imoogi does end up getting it. Then, he kills Buraki with one fireball. Yay. I’m glad I waited the entire movie to see less than two minutes of a dragon.
At least someone actually got the power this time, and the girl finally came to her senses and sacrificed herself willingly. Then she appears in the form of some weird angel thing, and says that she’ll love Ethan for ‘all eternity’. That line made me want to puke. It may have been rushed and stupid, but it was a better romance story than Twilight.... if only by a little. After that, the dragon leaves, and Ethan is left in the middle of the desert to find his way back to civilization.
Then again, that’s just bad writing. The whole battle is abrupt, it gains nothing for anyone, and it serves no purpose other than finally give us some action. But if a movie has action, it needs to have a place in the story. It can’t be ‘dragons come to LA, boom’. It needs to have purpose. The only other big fight is at the end, when Buraki fights the good imoogi in a place that looks a lot like Mordor. Two things wrong with this part. First, it’s hard to tell who’s winning, because they look identical. The ONLY thing that sets the two apart, is the good imoogi is a lighter color. By lighter color, I mean one tenth of a shade lighter than Buraki. The other problem is that it’s not technically the ‘Dragon Wars’ promised in the title. They’re not dragons yet! They’re fighting over the power to become a dragon, sure, and the good imoogi does end up getting it. Then, he kills Buraki with one fireball. Yay. I’m glad I waited the entire movie to see less than two minutes of a dragon.
At least someone actually got the power this time, and the girl finally came to her senses and sacrificed herself willingly. Then she appears in the form of some weird angel thing, and says that she’ll love Ethan for ‘all eternity’. That line made me want to puke. It may have been rushed and stupid, but it was a better romance story than Twilight.... if only by a little. After that, the dragon leaves, and Ethan is left in the middle of the desert to find his way back to civilization.
In conclusion, this film is boring. The characters are boring, the actors feel bored, and the only action scenes either have no place, or any payoff. The CG is good, and I liked the soundtrack, but it isn’t enough to bring this movie up. To be honest, I think this would have made a better anime series than one movie.
FINAL RATING: 18 / 50: DON’T BOTHER
STORY: 2 / 5
ACTING: 2 / 5
CHARACTERS: 1 / 5
CG: 4 / 5
ACTION: 3 / 5
SOUNDTRACK: 3 / 5
TONE: 1 / 5
ENJOYABILITY: 2 / 5
REWATCH VALUE: 0 / 5
OWNING VALUE: 0 / 5
See why nobody remembers this? Like the big bold letters say, don’t bother. If you really want to, just out of curiosity, I warn you; it’s an hour and a half of boredom you’ll never get back. You could riff it with some friends, but the few jokes aren’t worth it.
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