King Kong (1976) movie review

If there’s one word that describes this movie, it’s ‘awkward’.

It’s obvious that something as classic as the 1933 masterpiece King Kong would be remade at some point in time. Well, in 1976, such a thing happened. At the time I’m posting this review, most people would be expecting me to do something Halloween themed. This movie isn’t really Halloween-y, but it does feature an obvious guy in a gorilla costume and the fact that this movie exists in the first place is scary enough on its own.

This remake of King Kong stars Jeff Bridges, who plays a guy named Jack, who’s nothing like the Jack from the original. He’s a paleontologist/photographer in this movie, and sneaks aboard a ship of an oil company- oh, that’s right, I almost forgot… it’s not a film crew that goes to Skull Island. It’s an EVIL OIL CORPORATION THAT ONLY WANTS MONEY. On the way to Skull Island- oh, I almost forgot again… it’s not called Skull Island. It’s not called anything. It’s just an Island where King Kong lives. Anyway, on the way to the island, the crew rescues a girl adrift at sea, because her ship was blown up and she was the only one who lived. Her name is Dwan- not Dawn, not Ann, but ‘Dwan’. I don’t get it, either.

So ‘Dwan’ turns out to be an actor, and is taken along for the trip to the island. Upon arrival, the scout team comes across a primitive village, full of ancient island stereotypes. From there, Dwan gets captured, given to Kong, and Jeff Bridges and a search team goes into the island to rescue her.

If there’s one thing I have to give this movie credit for, it’s the island village. It’s not a cheap set, it’s a huge, life sized village with a 50 foot tall barrier. I think 80% of the movie’s budget went into that one set, because the rest of the special effects suck horribly. The part that makes them bad is how they decided to bring King Kong to life. It’s not stop motion, it’s a guy in a gorilla suit! That’s Japan’s thing! And they do it well, whereas the suitmation in this movie is awful, and has no enthusiasm or energy or life in it. The facial expressions are… okay at best, but the way he walks, the way his arms move, the way he stands, it just looks so damn wrong. Stop motion looks way more appealing than any suitmation that an American movie can provide.

The miniature sets and environments look way better, though. But there’s one problem, one huge, fatal problem with the island that kills this entire movie… it’s not Skull Island. It doesn’t feel like Skull Island because it’s not Skull Island. There’s no mysterious jungles, no strange creatures, no awesome scenery that makes you feel like you’ve stepped into some other time period, no DINOSAURS, none of anything that makes the island feel like Skull Island…

… but there is a giant snake. No T-Rex brawl for this movie, just a single, stupid, less than 2 minute snake fight. Doesn’t that sound nice?

No. It doesn’t. It’s as boring as you think it is.

The New York City sequence isn’t that much better. They had Kong rigged into some weird cage thing, then he goes on a Godzilla-esque rampage, then climbs the World Trade Center (yes, I see the elephant in the room), and during the climb you can see the wires that would be less prominent if there were bright red flashing arrows pointing to them. Then he gets shot up by helicopters, Jeff Bridges loses his freaking mind (it’s really a scary/funny sight to behold) and he falls to the ground. The end.

So we can conclude that the plot of this movie barely resembles the original story of King Kong. The plot of the oil company just feels so removed from what King Kong should be. The special effects are not only bad, they’re wrong. As for the characters, I don’t care for a single one of them in the slightest. Not even Jeff Bridges can do much to save this movie. Everything about it is either awkward, stupid, or boring. There’s no life in this piece of garbage. I don’t even know who greenlit this, or why. Didn’t they take a look at the final product and notice how much of a disgrace it is to King Kong?

The best part is that no matter how bad this movie is, or how bad any remake after it may be, it doesn’t affect the value of the original at all. Not even the original’s atrocious sequel, Son of Kong, could ruin it. Nothing can. We can always go back. But the fact still remains that this version of King Kong is perhaps one of the worst remakes that’s ever been made.

FINAL RATING: 6 / 50

STORY: 0 / 5

ACTING: 2 / 5

CHARACTERS: 1 / 5

SPECIAL EFFECTS: 2 / 5

ADVENTURE: 0 / 5

SOUNDTRACK: 1 / 5

TONE: 0 / 5

ENJOYABILITY: 0 / 5

REWATCH VALUE: 0 / 5

OWNING VALUE: 0 / 5

It’s a good thing I’m done with that movie. I really hope I never have to see it or anything like it again. I mean, it’s not like there was…. a sequel… right? They obviously knew how bad the sequel to the old one was, and the critical response to this one was so horrible… and there’s no way it made enough money to warrant a sequel…. right?

Oh, no.