Godzilla's Revenge: Countdown to Godzilla's Return #10

I have dreaded watching this since the day I started this countdown. I took the advice from other Godzilla fans, and I have not watched this movie... until today. I experienced this tragedy so anyone who reads this doesn’t have to. I am referring to the worst Godzilla movie ever made... Godzilla’s Revenge. It’s also known as All Monsters Attack, but it should really have been called Attack of the Stock Footage, or Suicide Encouragement.

For some odd reason, they decided to make this one a kid’s movie. Sure, because a force of nuclear destruction that has killed hundreds of thousands of people is GREAT material for a kid’s movie, right? Sure, Godzilla was softened up a bit in recent installments, but don’t go to this extreme!

Anyway, this putrid pile of goat vomit is about a stupid little kid who is a big fan of Godzilla. Seriously, this kid is obsessed with him. He constantly daydreams about finding Monster Island. Whenever someone interrupts his dream, he is convinced that he was really there, and he believes the monsters will help him out in real life. It may sound like just an odd kid who looks up to the monsters as heroes, but if you watch the movie, which I highly suggest you don’t, you will know how delusional and stupid this kid is. He’s not the only kid in the movie. There are a LOT of others which are just as annoying, ugly, and dumb. The people dubbing them don’t help either. This has to be one of the worst dubbing jobs I’ve ever witnessed. Worse than Sandy Frank’s dubbing of the Gamera movies. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Look it up.

So, this kid has a problem with bullies. You think bullying is a problem these days? It was so much worse back then, as this film shows. These bullies do unspeakable things, like... making weird faces, making the most annoying sounds ever, and telling the kid to honk the horn of a motorcycle that belongs to a Japanese cowboy painting a billboard. I did not make that up. Honestly, I don’t get what’s so threatening about these ‘bullies’. All they do is pester the kid. That’s all! They’re just annoying.

The whole movie is just the kid going back and forth between his dream and reality. Neither are entertaining. The dream world is full of stock footage from the past Godzilla movies. That’s why I said it should be called Attack of the Stock Footage. If I wanted to watch those fights, I would watch the movies they came from. That’s what I wanted to do! In fact, I might!

The worst part is that the designs of Godzilla are different from those movies, so he never looks consistent. The other worst part is Godzilla’s son. Oh... my... god. If you didn’t like him before, you will HATE him here. He somehow looks even dumber, and he TALKS! No joke! Minya talks to the kid in the dream world! Do I even need to go into more detail?

The only new monster is Gabara, and he looks astonishingly stupid. It’s like he was rejected from the Ultraman series and thrown into this movie. But, if you look at the poster, you can see that his face is resembles some ancient statues of oriental Japanese dragons. But look how well it translated to the suit!

Technically, he doesn’t count as one of Godzilla’s villains, since this is all in a dream. If that’s the case, then that means this movie doesn’t count as an installment in the series, making this hour and a half ENTIRELY POINTLESS!!!!

I’m typing in all caps, I must be going a little insane. In fact, this film is the embodiment of insanity. Think about it! This kid is obsessed with Monster Island, and gets delusions of actually being there. He lets his imagination consume him, and gladly retreats to the dark recesses of his mind, but the darkness and trauma is masked by the ‘joy’ of his fantasy. But there really is no trauma to begin with. We’ve already established this kid is dumber than a box of rocks, so when the ‘bullies’ pester him, he overreacts to it all, causing him to go back to his imagination, and letting it take over his mind even more. He was never mentally stable to begin with! He’s doing it all to himself! Nobody is there to stop it, and when they try, they don’t take it seriously, and in turn, make it worse. Then, he gets kidnapped, and instead of doing what any other kid would do, he just goes back to daydreaming. The events in his fantasy are parallel to the events in real life, and when he goes psycho to stop the kidnappers.

When the kid is questioned, he said that Minya helped him overcome his struggles. He is now completely controlled by the figments haunting his imagination, and they are telling him what to do. But what do the adults see it as? Charming childhood innocence. Then the kid goes and fights the bullies in another psychopathic rage! It may look like they respect him now, but they really fear him. They fear the insanity will come back, but it actually never left! And it’s going to stay with that kid forever, unless he gets serious mental help!

And this movie isn’t about solving his illness, oh no. Instead, it’s giving us one clear subliminal message hidden by the crap factor of the rest of the film. It’s telling us to give in to the insanity, let it consume and control us! Am I the only one who sees it?


Okay... this was a descent into madness that I did not intend. I may have looked a little too deep into the movie. If I lost you during all that, I apologize. So, other than... everything I just said... what else can be said about Godzilla’s Revenge?

Nothing. There is nothing to be said about this movie that will bring it to justice. It’s that bad. So, for your own sake, do not watch this mind rape. Please. You’ll go crazy like I did.

FINAL RATING: 0 / 50
STORY: 0 / 5
ACTING: 0 / 5
CHARACTERS: 0 / 5
SPECIAL EFFECTS: 0 / 5
umm... action? Kiddiness? Mind rape?: 0 / 5 
SOUNDTRACK: 0 / 5
TONE: 0 / 5 
ENJOYABILITY: 0 / 5 
REWATCH VALUE: NO! 
OWNING VALUE: 0 / 5